Tag Archives: clues about me

Rebirth

I feel almost like I’m returning to the land of the living.

I had Child #1 six years ago and now Child #2 is about to enter kindergarten. So for the last six years, all I could focus on was being a mom, because having little kids is so fucking draining.

Even though I still worked, and the SO and I still went on date nights and trips away from the kids, the rest of my life was occupied by the kids, feeding them, entertaining them, making sure they were OK. I love my kids, but I have since realized that I am not a baby person. Children and parenthood are my least favorite topic. I don’t talk about my kids and hate when people talk about theirs.

If I am being honest here (and on this blog I can be), I was probably in a mild depression for the last 6 years. I gained weight, I escaped into books or computer games, nothing interested me. I dreaded weekends and holidays. Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t neglect my kids. I delighted over them, took thousands of photos and videos of them, but I constantly had to remind myself that they wouldn’t be little forever, to get through the mind-numbingly boring or tiring or frustrating moments.

I think it was at the beginning of this year that I realized that I no longer hate weekends. The SO and I joined a gym last year to get back in shape. The SO lost 40 pounds, and I’ve gone from a size 12 to size 4. (I’d never been a size 4, even before kids.) Sex is fun again. Everything is fun again.

Right now, life is almost perfect. The kids are so easy now. They can talk and I don’t have to guess what they want or need. They play together so I don’t have to constantly entertain them. They have amazing and funny little personalities. I love my job and have a plan for my career that makes me happy. A few months ago, we bought the house we’re going to grow old in.

We still have money struggles. Child #1 has developmental issues and is in special education. There are other things. But the overall outlook is positive.

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