Tag Archives: narcissist parents

thankful

I am so angry that I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t talk to anyone about it because no one I know will really get it. I can’t talk to my husband about it because it will make him feel worse than he already does. I want to cry when I think about it (I cry when I’m angry). Fuck, I’m starting to tear up.

My FIL and his wife just built a house. He was recently showing off the pictures. He pointed out what he called “the guest room” and said that we can stay there when we visit. Then he pointed to another room and said, “And this is Stepbrother’s room.”

Stepbrother (FIL’s wife’s son) doesn’t live with them anymore.

My husband said, “Why does Stepbrother get a room?”

His father looked at him with a don’t-fucking-question-me look and said, “Do you know mothers?”

My husband was quiet a couple seconds and then said meekly, “No.”

FIL responded, while nodding his head at me, “Well, you will know mothers.”

And it was understood that no more should be said on the topic.

Every single time out of the hundreds of times I have re-played this scene in my head, I wish I had said something. It doesn’t matter that my husband would have been furious at me. I hate that I didn’t say anything.

Of course he doesn’t know mothers! He has a shitty narcissistic mother who doesn’t fucking give a shit about him, a horrible woman that you left him and his sister with when they were babies, even though I am sure you knew she was a fucking nut-job since you were married to her for 12 years. He has no mother who would say, “Hey, I want my son to have a place in our home.” He doesn’t have a single parent who would stand up for him at all. Because of you and that shitty excuse for a human being who gave birth to him, he has no idea what unconditional love from a parent feels like.

And you know it isn’t about having a room at all. I don’t have a room in my parents’ house either. It isn’t about Stepbrother, who is a great guy. It isn’t about FIL’s wife, who, despite having no room in her heart for my husband and his sister, is just doing what a mother is supposed to do for her son. It is how FIL answered the question. It was the shittiest, coldest, most hurtful thing he could have said. I hate that my husband has two supremely selfish people as parents.

We are going there for Thanksgiving. When we are giving our thanks, I am just going to think to myself that I’m thankful we only see them once a year.

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